A Father’s Gift

My father read Scripture and prayed with us. Sometimes, he would kneel at his chair and pray. Discipline was of the corporal variety, without anger or belittling, and usually concluded with prayer and hugs. I dreaded the “old tickler,” for a spanking meant pain, as well it should, for how else can we learn that sin hurts us? One morning, when he happened to be at home, I was belittling my sister, which was a perverse sport with me. In addition to the usual discipline, he directed me to memorize James 3.

                I must confess to being a little terrified by my father’s earnest love for God and his word. Chafe and quietly rebel as I sometimes did, I never doubted that he was a true work of God’s grace. He did not seem to care about keeping up the appearance of religion to others, while home life was a complete mess and mass of contradictions. I did not know it at the time, but earnest, sincere faith was perhaps his greatest gift to me.

                Children learn early if their parents play church on Sunday morning. If parents are typically angry, the Lord rarely mentioned, or his word never consulted, children rightly suspect that church is a ritual, something nice people do but without real significance to their parents, especially to their fathers. When father earnestly seek the Lord, it is a heavenly gift.

                This is the closing promise of the Old Testament. Of John the Baptist, the forerunner of Jesus Christ, it is said that he will “turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the earth with a curse” (Mal. 4:6). Many families in the West live in this curse. God curses men and nations when fathers do not bring up their children to fear and love God – and when children rebel against their parents. He calls fathers to do one main thing: to lead their children to him.

                Fathers cannot change their children’s hearts, but fathers show the Father’s heart to their children. To do this, we must know something of the wickedness of our own heart, and like Job, offer sacrifices daily. The single most important posture for any father is on his face before God, confessing his sins, pleading the merits of Jesus Christ and the covenant of grace with all its helps and encouragements. When fathers are on their face before him, he transforms and makes them channels of his covenant mercy to their children.

                It is no easy thing to live before the face of your children each day. They may be young, but they are not blind. They see you – not the image you portray, but you. This is terrifying, unless fathers live honestly before the Lord. Earnestness in seeking God will manifest itself in a thousand ways: humility, gentleness with firmness in correction, consistency in discipline, fervor in worship, hunger for God’s word that produces winsome, warm, personal interest in them, and joy in being with them. When they see you poring over Scripture and hear you reading it aloud to them, they will know that this Bible is truly my father’s manna. They will want it for their manna.

                When fathers eat God’s word, He quickens and softens them through the convicting work of the Holy Spirit. By soft I do not mean weak but tender, more approachable, more of Jesus Christ in you, less of you (James 3:13-18). You cannot look upon God’s holy face in his word without conviction of sin and seeking mercy through Jesus Christ. Holding to his cross and righteousness as your only cleansing, you will become a gospel father, a father who speaks often of God’s mercy, a father who is not ashamed of the cross or of his dependence upon the help of Jesus.

                What an impression this makes upon children, young and old! To hear a father speaking of his sinfulness and need of cleansing, asking for forgiveness through the blood of Jesus Christ brings the reality and power of Christ’s cross into your child’s life. A Christian father is a living witness. When his children stumble, he leads them to Jesus. He has been in earnest before his Savior, and he will be in earnest before his children. His voice will be the voice of God calling to his children: “Come you children, hearken unto me, and I will show you the fear of the Lord.” He is able to show them because he knows it himself. His testimony is not a haughty “I have all the answers” or “this is the way we do it in our home.” A Christian father says humbly, invitingly, sometimes in words, always by his tender heart: “I can help you, my child. The path to the cross is well-known to me. I have walked it often and marked it plainly for you. Follow me to Jesus; follow me as I follow Him.”

                There is a great deal of concern today about churched children growing up and not walking in the religion of their fathers. Here is one likely reason. The religion of their fathers is not worth following. Faith may be present, but it is not vital, not controlling. It may be talked about, but it is not lived with humble, loving conviction. There may even be family worship and biblical rules for living, but these are not communicated with tenderness, with an “I, too, am a sinner” warmth and nearness. The outward form of religion is no substitute for its power, for sincere, ardent love for Jesus Christ manifested in the life of a father who walks joyfully with him.

                I urge you, fathers, to give your children the gift of earnestness. If there is hypocrisy in you, or coldness toward the Lord, arrogance, or guilt over secret sins, your children already know it – not the details, but what is worse, the soul-crushing effects of a hollow religion. They may not be able to put their finger on what is wrong, but they know something is. Seek healing by seeking Jesus Christ. Turn to him with all your heart and confess your sinfulness before him. Ask him to make you a new creature and to help you fight against the old man of sin.

                Then, confess your failings to your children. Talk with them humbly about what God has done for you and taught you. Repent for teaching them that our heavenly Father is cold, austere, ready to smash but slow to forgive, hesitant to smile, distant in love until you do everything right. If you are earnest in spirit, serving the Lord, it will draw them to the arms of the Savior. They will see He has done great things for you, and in his time they will seek the same.